Much thanks to ioseph_locksley

"Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot.
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot..."

On this post-election day, let us remember how one brave voice can be a force for change or a bulwark against the tide of insanity.  Very apropos to be watching this movie, this morning, I think.

I heartily recommend it, and if you don't know the tale of Guy Fawkes, then get thee to a library. Or at least to Wikipedia.  Do keep in mind that the victors write history, of course.

And I do like that JK Rowling named Dumbledore's phoenix Fawkes... ;-)

I've been watching Ken Burns' "The War" on PBS. Most of the episodes were on over the weekend, so I got to catch up and then finish the series tonight. Wow.
I have enjoyed Burns' other series and documentaries, but this one hits a bit closer to home, so to speak. No, I'm not *that* old, but the war generation is my mom's generation. On her side of the family, my aunt Frankie was one of the first female Marines to serve. My uncle Bob, who currently lives with Mom, was a paratrooper on D-Day. My uncle Lynn was in the 101st Airborne near the end of the war. The rest of the kids lived life on the home front. Mom was 6 when Pearl Harbor was attacked, and turned 10 a few months after the war ended.
I've read and studied WWII before. I grew up knowing bits and pieces of our family's history in that time. I've seen newsreels and movies and photographs galore. So, why did this documentary have such an impact? Perhaps it's the way that this overwhelming global event has been made personal. Tracing the stories of a select few representatives of what Tom Brokaw called the "greatest generation" lets us wrap our minds more securely around the history.
Naturally, the episodes concerning D-Day held my attention the most. My uncle Bob and I have become closer in the last few years, and by trying to understand what he went through in the war, I can try to understand him. I know I never will, completely, but that's okay. There are stories that he is unable to tell, and many veterans share that trait. When he does share a story or a memory with me, it is a valuable gift. And yet, he brushes off the admiration of others. You won't catch him leading any parades! Heck, he doesn't even like to watch them. I suppose that after being in the Army long enough to see combat in three wars, parades don't have the same meaning as they do to us civilians.
Still, I do admire him, not just for his service in the war, but for all he's done since then. He's 82 now, and even though our family is normally long-lived, I don't know how long he's going to be around. I hope I can get some of his story down on tape or paper before it's too late. Aunt Frankie's already gone, but her stories are here.
Tip O'Neill is quoted as saying "All politics is local." I think "all history is local", and personal. I may not have experienced it first-hand, but I know, and know of, people who did. I'll bet that you do, too. Find them, learn from them. Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Just look at the parallels between the current events and other times. 1920s and '30s Germany, perhaps? The Weimar Republic? The more history I read, the clearer the patterns. But that's a blog for another time. Just think about it, ok?

Dealing with the major changes in my life lately has really gotten me thinking about who or what I am. I'm having to redefine myself in terms of my job skills, obviously, and filling out applications and tweaking resumes makes one think. I also took the plunge and got my NM driver's license today. My identity in a piece of legalistic plastic. On the plus side, I got to reduce my declared weight, and did it honestly!
There's more to me than my documents, of course, and that holds true for just about anyone who thinks beyond the confines of mundane life. If you will bear with me, I'm going to indulge in a bit of public disclosure. If you don't want to know more about me, that's your right. :-)
I am a Leo, with Leo rising, for those who study astrology. Double whammy. Add a Moon in Gemini, and you'll find my chatterbox tendencies. It enables me to use my quick wit and smart mouth as a weapon, both offense and defense, and as a source of entertainment to my friends. Underneath it all, I'm actually quite a cowardly lion at times.
I'm a musician, a voracious bibliophile, a collector of things, ideas and facts. My nickname of Obscure Reference Woman was a gift from friends last year, and it fits perfectly. I love good food, good alcohol, good friends, and the combinations of the above. My favorite beverages are tea, Guinness, and mead. I enjoy entertaining, whether it be a dinner party, and New Year's Bash, or a SCA event. (Note to self: Might be a good year to host a New Year's party again?) I am a pretty good cook and baker, and love to create new recipes, especially with unusual ingredients. I'm about 90% vegetarian, still eating dairy, eggs and seafood, but I'm not above enjoying a good bit of carnivorous fare.
I'm Pagan, hovering between Asatru and Wicca, but still rather eclectic. I still consider myself to have a very strong sense of ethics, and I take the rule of "Harm None" seriously. That certainly doesn't keep me from having fun! I am still very cautious, and sometimes my hesitation causes me to miss fun I could have had. If I'm lucky, though, I do get second chances, and it all works out for the best. I've studied long and hard, and am associate clergy for my group back in Indiana. That's not just as a priestess, but a true minister and counselor. My theatrical side does come out to play, though, and I love to create rituals for holiday celebrations.
I've been single for about 3 years now, and yeah, celibate through it all. I've only really had one steady boyfriend, and let's just say that hindsight is 20/20. I know that those 10 years weren't entirely wasted, but the lessons I learned were hard and unpleasant. Some of the lessons came after I got the strength to get out of that hell. It could have been worse, far worse. I got enough physical abuse from my father, and knew better than to fall into that trap. Emotional abuse is far more insidious, and harder to defend against. I thank the gods every day for my friends who helped me find myself and find my way back to the light of day.
I am prone to bouts of depression, coupled with a poor self-image and lack of self-esteem. I have a lot of trouble with my body image, too. My medical history has some interesting stuff in it. When I was about 1 year old, I nearly died. They called it Protein Deficiency Malnutrition, but in English, it means that I couldn't digest cow's milk, and was getting no nutritive value from it. I was not only starving, but my body cavity was filling with fluid, and I nearly drowned internally! I was in the hospital for a whole month, and the doctor said that I was the only case he'd seen that had survived without having severe brain damage. (That's what he said...;-) The jury's still out...) My IQ is 174 now, wonder what it would have been otherwise? It's very possible that the Polycystic Ovary Syndrome that plagues me now stems from internal damage that couldn't have been detected then. It wasn't till I was 22 that a doctor at the Univ. of Mich. told me that I'd been born with a mild form of Spina Bifida Occulta, and did indeed have scoliosis in my back as well. Imagine my surprise at being told that I never should have been able to stand, let alone walk! I'm glad I proved that guy's prediction wrong, as I am not in a wheelchair, nor do I plan to be. The back problems have left their mark, though. I am so profoundly asymmetrical that I wear a prosthetic over my right breast in order to have my clothes fit right. Some day maybe I'll be able to afford surgery to correct the deformity.
I'm definitely female, but not very feminine. It takes an effort for me to look girly sometimes. I love to dress up, but it's more like theater than decorating. My usual style, or lack thereof, is t-shirt and jeans. I've often been mistaken for a guy, and even won a drag king contest once. It was a bit too easy, as all I had to do was stop shaving my face for a week or so, and wrap my torso in an Ace bandage. (Note to self: Wonder if I could pull that off for a hall costume at a con?) Some days I feel like a gay guy trapped in a girl's body, but not all the time. I'm so used to being a girl that I don't want to change permanently. It would be interesting to be able to shapeshift back and forth, though!! So many of my friends through the years have been gay or bi men and women that it just doesn't matter anymore. I can and do find members of both sexes attractive, and can appreciate beauty in many atypical forms.
I don't care for dogs, though I have had to tolerate them at times. I have two cats, and we get along fine.
The PCOS problems that give me my fuzzy face also apparently keep me from having kids. I think that bothers me only for the sake of any future husband/lover I might have. I am a big history buff, and that extends to genealogy. I'm not worried about being related to anyone famous, but knowing my family's history makes general history more personal and interesting. I don't like the thought of a family line ending because of my inability to breed, but there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm 42 now, and while I still look very close to my high school senior pic, taken when I was 15, I'm beginning to notice the gray hair creeping in. Considering that my mom was seeing gray when she was 17, I'm doing pretty good. I do worry about being too old for some things, but most of that can be overcome with attitude, thank goodness. And frankly, if a guy thinks I'm too old for him, that's his loss. (Ok, I try to believe that, but sometimes it's not easy.)
Well, that should give y'all something to chew on. Sorry for the length of the post, but I'm leaving out some stuff, too! Questions and/or comments are certainly welcome.

Ok, the day-to-day journal is on http://hairyhat.blogspot.com. This is something else entirely.

I'm sitting here watching the History Channel. What's on? The History of Sex. I've seen most of these episodes before, but it's a good show.
It gets me thinking, though. We're finally getting to the point where sex in its various forms can be discussed far more freely than in the past, and think we're so advanced and progressive. Bullshit! Compared to some cultures of the past, we're still so hung-up that it's frightening! Yeah, I plead guilty, I'm as neurotic as the next person, probably more so than many, but I'm working on it!!
I think it's a crying shame that our society is still so hypocritical and contradictory when it comes to sexual matters. Not just when it comes to celebrities or politicians, either, but ordinary people. Sure, some of the dichotomy comes from the pervasive Christianity of American society. I'm reminded of the quote from H.L. Mencken - "Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." But the problem can't be entirely blamed on religion, I think. There are plenty of people who don't adhere to a religious path who are still caught up in the same paradigm, and plenty who follow non-Christian paths who are worse than their mainstream counterparts.
I can only speak to my own experiences, of course, and your mileage may vary.
I was brought up to believe that "nice girls don't do..." fill-in-the-blank. Then again, I was reading my dad's collection of Playboy from about age 8 on. The articles were good, and some of the jokes and cartoons were pretty funny. Of course, by the time I was 10, I knew I was never going to look like any of the women in that magazine, except maybe Granny. So, early on, I figured that this sex stuff wasn't for me, anyway. That's for people who look better than me. If you see a fat girl getting any, well, it's usually a punchline or a pity fuck. And heaven help the gal who's both fat and smart.
That was pretty much the mindset I dealt with throughout high school and college, and carried into adult life. I didn't date in high school, since I was too young. Mom said no dating till I was 16. A sensible enough rule, on the surface. But by the time I was 16, I was a senior. My classmates were all 2-3 years older than I, and the underclassmen sure weren't interested, either. Oddly enough, most of my friends were even older, being a year or two ahead of me in school. To top it off, my best friend (and first crush since junior high) was gay. Gods love him, he even managed to be somewhat open about it, and that wasn't easy in the late 70s/early 80s. Mom didn't understand how I could be friends with him. I got the last laugh, though, when she set me up with a date for my Senior Prom. Nice guy, friend of mine from church choir. And yeah, he was waaaayyy in the closet! We laughed about that many times after graduation. Gods rest him, he succumbed to AIDS years later. Lost several friends to that stuff in the days before heavy-duty drug therapy. In college, life was similar. Three of my best pals were gay or bi, and we had a blast. (BTW, I prefer the term "fruit fly" to "fag hag". I don't need to be called a hag, thank you very much.)
Fast forward now, to about 14 years ago. I'd pretty much given up on finding a boyfriend of any type. I should have stayed away from the one I did find. I guess my ignorance was greater than I thought. I learned a lot, but didn't enjoy all the lessons. Trust me, till you've been in a room full of 'swingers' with only one thing on their minds and nobody of either gender wants to come near you, you don't know rejection. It took me many years to get back the parts of my self that I never realized I'd lost. Strange how the friendship that pulled me out of hell was completely non-sexual.
Part of what I'd lost was the small bit of sexual self-esteem I'd had. I mean, I know I can't compare to all the good-looking women who have pics online and in movies, but how the hell can I compete with a child? (Don't worry, the bastard ex-bf is in prison, and has been for about 3 years now.) I don't know how I managed to keep from losing my self entirely. I do know that my friends helped a lot, even my co-workers at the gay bar I worked at for a while.
So, for the last few years, I've been studying, learning, and remodeling my ideas on sex and love. There's a lot of garbage to get rid of, but the harder part is to replace the vacant spots with positive ideas. Being able to freely discuss things helps. My friends are such a varied bunch that we can talk about damn near anything, and all have experiences and opinions to share. I don't know if the general population is ready for such frank discussion, but I'm very glad to be around people who can and do speak freely without fear of reprisals. The idea that a show like "History of Sex" can be made, let alone be on the air, gives me hope for the future.
I'll end this for now with a quote by Robert Heinlein: "Geniuses and supergeniuses always make their own rules on sex as on everything else; they do not accept the monkey customs of their lessers." --Dr. Hartley M. Baldwin; Friday, pg 214